New Year, New Hope

Hope. Life is pointless without hope, right? Yes, it does keep us surviving this life, but does hope really gives us the happiness that we want in life? To me, it does. It did. And it will always do. But too much hope can be fatal. I know it damn well because I've been there, and I've risked my entire heart for the hope of just becoming "happier" than I ever was. It wasn't wrong but my mistake was, I forgot that too much of goodness does ruin.  Regardless of whether too much of heart being put out or too much hope, both were mistakes. My humanly mistakes as a girl who was ignorantly happy and in love.

For once, life taught me that I haven't put my hope on the right place, the place where it deserves to be. I finally realized. The reason I ended up with a torn heart was because, I put it on SOMEONE. You see, whenever we put hopes on humans, they'll always fail us, sooner or later. I forgot that there is only one who will never fails me. He was with me all along but I failed to put my hopes on Him. I forgot that only He who deserves my all. I forgot Him. My another mistake. The biggest one in fact.

As time goes by, we humans tend to get carried away when we are at the peak of happiness in our life. We forget every consequences that might await us. Well I did. Being with him, I unconsciously set my hopes higher and higher each day, because I thought that I am definitely gonna be happier than today when I open my eyes tomorrow. Because I was so confident that when I do, he will be the first thing that I would see. I believed that we were forever. And as long as we're together, there'll be no sorrow that we couldn't ward off. But it just didn't occur in my mind that maybe someday, he could leave. Honestly, I didn't even thought of it. Not even once.

Throughout my life, I've never been happier the moment I first fell in love with him. To me, he was my first love. It never felt like true love before I was with him. There wasn't a single thing that I regret. Even until now, all that we had are still my greatest treasure. Randomly I'd smile each time our memories played in my head. I still feel the warmth. The comforting warmth of him.

Before, it was my dad. And now, it's him. Both are the men I used to have all my hopes on. For once, they did convince me that they will make me the happiest girl ever. They did. It's just that, it wasn't meant to be forever even they did promise me so. The moment I've lost my hope on my dad, he came to me and gave me new hope. Now that he decided to leave too, I can only depend on God. Only He knows everything that I hope for now and only He understands when I silently "talk" to Him with my tears. 

It's new year again. Even I was always left hurt because of one divine thing called hope, I will never ever lose any. Because like I said, hope keeps me survive this life. This rocky brief life of mine. The difference is, this time I've learnt my lessons. The right amount and the right place to put it on, this is the way I'll eventually find my happiness. I hope.