Speechless

There were too many things that happened to us, between us and around us that I don't have the strength to write everything down anymore. 

Zodiac

Yesterday I talked to someone who happened to have the exact same situation like what I'm going through right now. One thing that caught my attention was how good he understands people's characteristics through his observation with guidelines from what we called, zodiac. Obviously we can't put our faith in this thing, I know. What I'm trying to tell is, even if there was no such thing as zodiac exists, I do still think that our birth to this world, like for example the time of birth, hold the mysteries in telling how our characteristics will be. And again, I'm not saying that what I said just now is true. It is just my humanly-prone-to-making-mistakes personal opinion. 

Just now I googled something about 'jodoh'. Yes, I'm still in mourn for what have happened. I was trying to find some religious articles about jodoh, something that I think maybe could coax my heart a bit. And one of the results that came out was "Pilihan Jodoh Sesuai Zodiak". Lain yang dicari lain yang diklik kan. Sigh. This is what actually made me remember yesterday's conversation, and what makes me want to write this piece right now. What I found was pretty much 'kena' with our characteristics. 

VIRGO (23 Agustus – 22 September)

Cewek virgo memiliki standard tinggi dalam menentukan pasangan. Cenderung menikah di usia cukup dewasa dan hanya jika telah mendapatkan pasangan yang mampu memenuhi standard. Seorang ibu rumah tangga yang sempurna, orangtua yang tegas, dan pasangan yang baik. Sering kali menarik perhatian banyak pria di usia pertengahan.

SAGITARIUS (22 November – 21 Desember)

Cowok sagitarius sulit bahagia dengan hanya satu wanita. Sulit berkomitmen dan tidak suka berhubungan terlalu dekat dengan seseorang. Memerlukan kebebasan dan menyingkirkan cemburu pada pasangan. Memilih wanita berpengalaman, yang mampu membuat cinta menjadi lebih ringan. Menyukai pasangan dengan selera humor tinggi. Memiliki rasa ingin tahu yang besar terhadap segala hal.

As for mine, "cenderung menikah di usia cukup dewasa" tu memang sah-sah tak betul. Hehe. I want to be a 'legal' partner to my man, and I want us to improve our amal to Him, together. Be his wife during this life and be his wife in Jannah too. It's really nice just to think about it right? When we have the one person we love the most by our side, striving for the afterlife eternal happiness, what else would I want in this world other than this? Tears, please hold yourself from falling. 

As for his, what can I say? They do sound like the truth. The commitment part was exactly like what he told me himself. He told me that he's uncomfortable with us being too close now. But we were even closer before and we've never been any happier. Strange. It stuns me sometimes to see how people can change that much. But yes, people do change. I changed too. I guess it's my fault for being too happy and to have thought that this will never happen to us. But what can I do, my feet were swept off the ground and he took me flying really high. Just when everything seems so beautiful when we were further from the ground, I never thought that he would let me go and I couldn't even get up again after I fell.

But still, I don't even know why I'm still loving him. Maybe that's what happens when we truly love someone not just for his good side, but for the other side as well. I think. Or maybe it's just plain stupidity. I don't know. I wish I could fall asleep for years and wake up to see what's waiting for me there. It's just too painful to stay awake now. Dear Allah, please help me out of this grief. Please. 

I'm All Broken